Tomorrow Is Not Promised

Tomorrow Is Not Promised

“Do it now Katrina. Don’t wait until it’s too late.” Lilly extended a caring hand to her daughter’s cheek and went to gently kiss her. Katrina pulled back in protest. She hated when her mother did that. Although she wanted to fight her authority, something in her 21 year old conscience got the better of her and she went in with dissent doused all over her.

“Too late,” Katrina huffed. “To late for what,” she said mumbling to herself hastily. “It’ll be too late to make it to the movies, too late to catch a ride with Monica, too late to call Jeff to see if he’s going, and too late to do my hair.”

At first, Katrina went in angrily to see her Grandpa. Her heart was set on being with her girl friends right now and nothing seemed more important than that.

As heated fury still wrenched her heart and her wrinkled forehead and piercing eyes still bore the marks of anger, her eyes caught sight of her ailing aging grandpa and her fired up heart dropped to the pit of her stomach which quickly filled with guilt.

Katrina’s grandfather was very ill. Today more than ever, it was frightfully evident that his health was failing him quickly. Looking at his frail state, she knew she was not prepared for her grandfather’s inevitable death one day. It didn’t matter whether one’s death was unexpected or not, either way, there were no doubts, it would come, many would grieve, and -- no one- - would be prepared.

Her grandfather spoke of death frequently and he would painstakingly point out that one day soon he would be with his wife. It has been 20 years that her grandfather has been grieving. Katrina knew he was ready. He had been waiting for so long.

In the midst of thinking of his loss and long time mourning her thoughts involuntarily retreated back to her mother. One dreadful day, she realized, her grandfather would pass and she would have a devastated and grieving mother.

She didn’t know when or why it happened, but Katrina, uncharacteristically, put up an invisible barrier between she and her mother. Although she knew their relationship with strained, this was the first time Katrina spent any meaningful time analyzing it.

Though some answers to her many questions remained an obscurity, what seemed to reveal itself at that moment is that her mother was the same caring person she has always been, even when Katrina rejected her.

Now feeling unexpectedly sensitive and surprisingly perceptive, Katrina began to recall the kind, generous and thoughtful things her mother did daily without complaint for her father, younger brother and sisters. Up until this instant Katrina had not genuinely paid attention to the unselfish love and devotion her mother gave to her own dying father. Finally, she thought about herself.

Feeling sick to her stomach Katrina swallowed hard. It took a few minutes for the queasiness to pass. Just when the brutal effects of her self-reproach began to mildly settle in her gut, her grandfather woke from a deep sleep. Today he looked especially pale and weak, and yet he greeted her with a warm adoring earnest smile and she was able to quickly, without resentment that possessed her heart just minutes earlier, reciprocate with irrefutable love.

She always enjoyed the talks she had with her grandfather. Although he shared some of the same stories again and again, Katrina was always enchanted by his tales. He dotingly asked her about her days and never failed to counsel her and offer insightful lessons of life. He’d say “Spend quality time with loved ones and friends,” or, “Tell them how much you care about them while you can.” And something else he often affectionately added, “If there is something you can do to help someone out, do it from the heart.” He had a million of them.

Today when he shared his stories about her grandmother, Katrina felt something profoundly touch her. Although Katrina did not remember her grandmother she felt like she knew her. Her grandfather’s stories as well as those told by her mother made her grandmother’s legacy breath with life. It was the way, she thought, his eyes lit up when he spoke of his wife that moved Katrina at this instant. She realized that she had never loved anyone with such a passion or as deeply as he loved her grandmother.

Her grandfather fell off to sleep in the midst of a story and Katrina with renewed sensitivity ran her caring fingers over his thinning hair and then kissed him. His eyes had been closed for a while, yet Katrina sat there in the silence still wanting to be near him.
It came from out of nowhere, a revelation that validated her feelings toward him. She realized that her love for her grandfather was multifaceted, bottomless and immeasurable. A single tear absconded from one of her eyes and her throat distended with emotion. “I love you grandpa,” Katrina whispered through her constricted throat, “one day I will miss you terribly.”
After a time her Grandpa stirred and for a moment he fixed his feeble eyes on hers with pure unadulterated paternal loving pride that spoke volumes to Katrina.

Caught up in the moment that was now imprinted on her heart, she was taken by surprise by the power of his voice that spoke with vigor and strength, “You should go now and be with your friends.” He patted her hand and squeezed it and then added, “kiss your mother,” he paused . . . for me.” He closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

A shock of electricity shot through her as her guilt led the searing current. She was stunned not by what he said but at where he paused that caused the meaning to hit Katrina in the gut like a freight train.

She may never know what he really meant by it, but it didn’t matter now, Katrina’s guilty conscience took over any truth and all reasoning. Without warning tears ran vehemently down her face. In an effort to spare the delicate state of her grandfather’s waning spirit, she quickly stifled the sobs that could have violently followed.

She was ashamed to the core of her being. It was clear that her behavior toward her mother was obvious, unacceptable and appalling. Even from a foggy sleep and from a room where he convalesced and stayed most of the time, Katrina reasoned, her grandfather made the unpleasant truth quite clear.

Not knowing why or where it came from, the profound words that were often uttered from her grandfather’s lips floating about her head like a magnetic halo, “live each day as if your last for tomorrow is not promised”.

It was no wonder, Katrina finally thought, that those words came to her. He would scrupulously remind her almost daily. When he used those words she knew in her heart that he was referring to her grandmother who had died some 20 years ago, when Katrina was only 1 year old. The deep love he possessed for his wife was still so alive in his eyes. Every time he uttered those words, she took them lightly and never did suitably place any value to them. Today, on its own, that phrase of an expression of deep cherished love came to mightily rescue her. His wise eloquent voice effectively penetrated her flinty mindset and his profound wisdom massaged her once calloused heart. Now, thinking of her mother’s unwavering love and how it had survived Katrina’s inferno of self-seeking emotions, she cried when not a word was spoken.
Feeling disconcerted over her reprehensible behavior, Katrina turned instantaneously and intensely to prayer.

Prayer after prayer, confession and after confession, she was deplorably asking God for forgiveness. Her dash of despair was astoundingly turning to optimism and sanguinity.
As the voracious clouds lifted that had darkened her life were removed from her impeded sight, she realized that her grandfather passed down to her a most valuable inheritance. His timely gifts of love and hope of the past, present, and the future were hers to hold. She knew these things were the legacy he was meant to leave behind.

Katrina’s mind hurriedly worked overtime. What if something happened to my own mother today? I would live to regret the way that I treated her. All Katrina could think about was the cruel way she responded to her mother’s love and affection just a short time ago.
A mother’s role was to teach, nurture and love her child unconditionally. My mother has given me many things, she thought, all the while she was without her own mother. Where did she get her strength? Then God answered her question.

Katrina, finally able to lift her head up said gently to her grandfather, “I will grandpa. I will kiss my mother . . . for you . . . and for me.”
A gentle hand touched Katrina’s shoulder and a softened side of Katrina revealed itself. She immediately placed her hand on top of her mother’s and sat comforted by the two people who raised her and who have touched her most.

When Katrina could finally feel her legs again, she rose and without hesitation acknowledged, accepted, and believed that now, in the present, at this moment, in the center of her mother’s cradle she would find insurmountable love and refuge beyond description. And this she knew was from the grace of God.

“Tomorrow is not promised,” Katrina whispered. “Your right honey, it’s not,” responded Lilly tenderly. “Today, and each day, let’s live as if were our last.”

Inspired by Luke 12:39-44, 48B

Jesus said,” But know this: if the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. You also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an unexpected hour.” Peter said, “Lord, you are telling this parable for us or for everyone?” And the Lord said, “Who then is the faithful and prudent manager whom his master will put in charge of his slaves, to given them their allowance of food at the proper time. Blessed is that slave whom his master will find at work when he arrives. Truly I tell you, he will put that one in charge of all his possessions.” “From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required; and from the one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded.”