Marriage on the Rocks!

Marriage on the Rocks!

Marriage is permanent because God established it from the beginning. He took the rib of man, and made woman. God brought her to the man, who said: “This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called woman for out of her man this one has been taken.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body. Genesis 2:22-24.

Throughout your marriage, your partnership, you are working everyday on perfecting your human love. It is through this gift of God and this natural process that you work toward the good of each other, bear children between you and educate them about love between human beings and ultimately the love of God.

Sometimes life can seem overwhelming. You pack your days with much to do, leaving no time to enjoy each other, get pleasure from quiet time, or engage in powerful prayer. You must be responsible enough to take a look at your life when you are feeling anxious, irritated and overwhelmed and figure out what is challenging your peace. It is not weakness to discover and there is no shame in being honest when the tasks in your life seem too much to bear.

You are an adult and you are entitled to “time out.” As a woman you might seek companionship of a girl friend, an evening out to dinner, a day at the spa, or time at the mall window shopping. As a man you might enjoy time spent with other men, tinkering in the garage, or working on a project or car. Give each other the time and means to regroup, rejuvenate, de-stress and have growing experiences even if it is means being without each other for an hour or an evening.

If you have children it is extremely important for the two of you to have time away from them also. This special time together will allow you to keep fresh and recall the qualities you admire about each other. The more you highlight the good in each other, the less faults will rob you from due respect and love.

It’s important to recognize that your mind, emotions and body are not designed to run ragged and on automatic pilot to work, cook, clean, wash, transport children to and from school, sports, extra curricular activities, shopping for clothes, food, etc., all the while dealing with the hardships and dilemmas of life. Life can get overwhelming and get to be too much for anyone! Work together and make changes that will make life less complicated and stressful.

Love is about caring and being compassionate about what the other thinks and feels. Love is also compromise because we are not the same. You will never “always” see eye to eye. You may as well come to terms with the fact that you must “agree to disagree” about many things you experience together. However, we should always be working together toward harmony for the sake of love. You may not always see the other’s side or understand another’s reasoning. You are not in your spouse’s head and you can’t rationalize another’s thinking process. What you can do is talk about your concerns and work on solutions that are fair, mindful, harmonious and beneficial to all parties.

When life get’s tough there is no reason to feel you need to escape or sever ties to the life that you’ve built. There is nothing in this world that should be allowed to take from the love you have between you and those in your house of peace.

Your life was not meant to be a source of unhappiness. People were not designed to be a thorn in your side. Debt was not a part of God’s plan for you. You were created to know and give love, have abundance and share it, live with and offer hope, know happiness and cause it, share love and give it to all.

You have been raised by your parents or guardians who have taught you many things. You have exceptional, good, ordinary, sad and perhaps even traumatizing memories from your past. Therefore, it’s important to realize that everyone is different. It is through your childhood and right through adulthood that you form your likes, dislikes and opinions about life, marriage, rearing children, and religion.

Throughout your marriage you will implement values you cherish, traditions that you want to hold on to, pass on ideals and good morals that you believe have helped you to grow up and be a person who values human life, has respect for himself and others, and loves God above all.
It is your responsibility however, to recognize when you are not following in the path of love. If you are unable to recognize your shortcomings yourself then your spouse should approach you with kindness and tenderness to open your eyes so that your direction can be routed again to love. You should also receive this offer of love without struggle or contest. Ironically, sometimes the most eye opening epiphany’s come from the mouths of your own babes. The honest “truth” that comes from children is startling and eye opening and should be viewed as a blessing to you.
Your children imitate what you do. It is for you to be mindful and notice what you have taught your little ones. When it is clear that love has been pushed to the wayside, is it for you to put it back at the center of your lives where it belongs for the sake of goodness and righteousness to your spouse, children, family and all humankind.

If your child puts his hand to fire and gets scalded, you would immediately take his hand away from the fire to protect him. You would show him to be conscious of the danger so that he would not intentionally scald himself again. The same goes for you. When life’s circumstances have burned you or when relationships have turned sour you must modify your mindset, behavior, seek protection, and wholeheartedly seek peace and love.

In an effort to retain peace and love sometimes, alone you will bring damaging issues to another’s attention. There may be a time you must do it in a group. It is important to reconcile. If the others causing harm do not see then you must protect your family and keep them out of harm’s way. Pray for the offenders and forgive them their trespasses against you.

Although you may be at a different level of your faith and healing than your spouse, it is not for either of you to judge what the other does. But rather, respect one another’s decision as long as it is with love at its core. If a person can forgive another and still have encounters then that one shall continue on that course and with that relationship. However, that does not mean that the other must subject himself to the same if reconciliation was not possible. You must not talk down to people. You must not allow others to demean you, your spouse or your children. You must refrain from gossip and judgment.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4

You can approach any situation, person or persons and say just about anything with love at your core. You must be careful not to be intentionally hurtful or crude. Sometimes you must keep the door open and give others many opportunities to make things right. You may get frustrated when others have cold and hardened hearts and are not responding as you would. If you have the strength to bear the hardships then continue to try to help. But the fight may not be yours to take on. The problems of others may be bigger than you. Be wise with which battles you take on for they should not destroy your home. You are not called to solve the problems of the world. However, you must maintain peace and love in your own household.

Cherish your spouse and your children. You are God’s holy family and He wishes to bless you daily. At the end of the day be thankful for what you have today, for the memories you hold in your heart, for the lessons that make you a better person, and give praise to God for the life he has in store for you!

When the going gets tough, love more! You are a pillar of strength. Your marriage is built on rock. It is solid, unyielding, concrete, dependable, trustworthy, and reliable. Reach into the deepest part of your spirit where you have a firm and sound foundation. Everyday through acts of love you will bring to light the strength and love in your core. You will love when others can’t because God loves you with all your faults. Go beyond your emotions and think with that righteous spirit inside you. You are made of rock! Hence, so is the strength of your marriage and home!