When something dies something else is born.

When something dies something else is born. If you’ve followed my stories, you might remember that my Father died last December. So many things about the memory of my father bring me great joy, but the reality is that there are moments when I feel great pangs of sorrow. The memory of my Pop is vivid and as much alive today as it was when he was here! It’s amazing how he can still be a part of what I do today. Read on.

Last month, my Dad’s widow, Sandy, went to Thailand for three weeks to visit her mother who is aging and is a little below par with respect to her health. I can’t imagine how difficult it has been for her to be so far away from her mother all these years. I suppose one just grows accustom to one’s circumstances, however, it doesn’t make it any easier we just adapt. I told Sandy that I would house sit while she was gone (as it turns out I used her house to start a new journey – be patient -we’ll get to that).

Each morning I would drive into the neighborhood from the main boulevard, through the alley and into the block to get to Dad and Sandy’s house. I would arrive in the early morning and park the car on the street. I’d unlock the pad lock on the low black wrought iron gate, and apparently it made a familiar sound that alerted my canine welcomers of a visitor. I’d look up in time to see two sets of dark eyes, filled with excitement, peering at me through the front bay window. The vertical blinds now moved horizontally keeping time with their tails and rears that moved side to side like amateur hula girls. Donut is little with white fur and Baby is silver-grey, a much larger dog, both, says their mommies, are mixed terriers (they are new roommates, still feeling each other out and trying to claim their territory in the house and well as with people.).

At first the pooches enjoyed the thought of a visitor. Then as the days passed it turned into “why are YOU here and what have YOU DONE WITH MY MOTHER”! They have both become tri-lingual, their understanding of English, Thai and Tagalog is amazing. Their owners are from Thailand and the Philippines . What they didn’t understand was the language of “silence”. The mornings were quiet and still. The days lacked the clatter of dishes, voices on the television, conversations on the cell phone, the humming of the washing machine, and the roar of the vacuum cleaner. I read, meditated and wrote and I didn’t pay much attention to the little guys because . . . I noticed that when I did they were at my side and wanted to be pet c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y. So, I stopped that immediately! Now don’t get me wrong, I talked to the little pooches, I pet their fur and their underbellies when I first arrived and when we were done with all the formalities, I verbally coaxed them outside because all they did was sleep (okay pooches out you go, go chase a bird or something, go exercise, do whatever dogs do, now go . . . that was a form of communication, right?). I also played “chase the invisible air game”, a routine and form of amusement that Donut engaged in every time I saw her. I’d say, “w-h-a-t, w-h-a-t, what you doing Donut, go, go, go”! She’d run across the tiled floor, her little torso contracted then extended full length, her ears springing and lagging behind her, her head bobbing like the Dodger doll people used to keep on their dashboards in their cars, and she raced from the living room to the door of the bathroom, click, click, click went her nails, back and forth and back and forth, and then she’d s-l-i-d-e stopping just short of hitting the door or couch depending on which lap she was on. She’d do this until I thought she might have a heart attack. All the while, I kept Baby to my left and in the safe zone leaning snugly against the recliner, my body acting as a human shield, protecting her from this insane and intense white flash of fur. My voice was warm and soothing and I worked to calm the growl that showed Baby’s irritation of this fun and much more exciting young spirit, Donut. I’d lightly scratch Baby ever so gently on the top of her dense furry head, stroking her long torso s-l-o-w-l-y, speaking to her s-o-f-t-l-y and l-o-w. That, as it turns out, is all Baby needed. You have to be a woman to do this special morning “duel greeting”, because it takes great multitasking to effectively handle both personalities and both activities simultaneously. One growled, one barked, one pawed, one snapped, one ran, one sat, it was exhausting. Where was I? Oh, yeah, “silence” (don’t worry, I let them back in to eat, sleep for brief periods of time, drink water and out they went again several times before I left).

My sister, LaLa, gave to me a wonderful framed inspirational saying, it reads: “Make time for the quiet moments, as God whispers and the world is loud”. I’ve been inspired by this for quite some time, and have been on a journey to grow closer to God. I decided to implement quiet moments into my mornings at my Dad and Sandy’s house. The hours I spent there were nurturing to my soul. It gave me an opportunity to think about my Dad often, look around his house and imagine how he spent all those years there. I looked at every corner, every nick-nack, wall hanging, and his bed set. I walked the length of the backyard void of grass because of all the fruit trees. I sat in his chair and looked out the same window that he used to view his world. I looked at the pictures that were displayed about the living room and I remember a bitter-sweet feeling in my heart when I’d see the pictures of my Dad and Sandy. I imagine Sandy has had many moments when she didn’t know how to feel, how she would carry on, or how she would find strength. However, we do find ways to move on. We are all going to be okay. You’re going be okay Sandy, we are all going to take care of you!

I immediately established a routine. I like routines; I get more done that way. Each morning I made a couple of cups of green tea and set up shop on the sponge Bob table that belonged to Sandy’s grandchildren the twins, Landon and Lawson. I placed their little 1-1/2 foot high table and chairs in front of the big bay window that faced west (the neighbor’s house, at least they had nice landscaping). The chair that I sat on daily accommodates a 2 year old, so my back hurt often. Sometimes I’d get up from the chair to stretch and my body was still formed in the small 90 degree angle. I’m not usually a glutton for punishment but I felt the most comfortable in this spot and it had the best light. (Sandy, I tried not to use the lights in the house and I definitely did not turn the TV on - was the Edison bill any less?)

My bible, a daily prayer book, inspirational books, and my laptop were my daily staples. Oh yes, and a journal. I’ve never used a journal before, so this was a first for me. This past November my daughters and I were shopping and we found ourselves in an isle that displayed journals and organizers. We browsed and I saw something that caught my attention. “Oooh a journal, how great is that”, I thought. Have you ever had one of those moments when you thought, if you’d asked me ten months ago, I would have thought “that’s crazy, who has time to write in a journal and what in the world would I put in it?” However, that day it seemed like “wow, what a wonderful idea, why didn’t I ever think about that before”. Now for me personally, I had no business shopping today, no not even to buy a little journal. So I turned to my shopping buddies, who you would think should be poorer than me, NOT, and I suggested to my daughter Jacqueline (I told her because she’s the one who usually will pick up on a big hint from Mommy and she usually had money), “If anyone is looking for ideas for a g-r-e-a-t Christmas gift for SOMEONE” and I added, “ it’s inexpensive, it’s appropriate for almost anyone, and it’s here in the store where you work (I held up the journal admiringly, turning it back and forth displaying all its great attributes, revealing no flaws - I felt a bit like Vanna White)! Gee whiz, it doesn’t get any better than that, this is soooo affordable. At $6.99 plus tax and minus your 10% discount, it would be a perfect gift for someone”. I saw it, that little familiar light bulb went on, I saw her eyes twinkle, her left eyebrow slightly arched, and the most minuscule of a smile touched her lips. Oh, I could hardly wait; however, patience would have to get me through to Christmas which was still weeks away (I know it doesn’t take much to make me happy). It was a very nice looking two tone camel colored leather book, with the words “Trust in God” embossed on the front (looking back now, I know that the “God” part is what got me).

THE NEXT DAY, Sunday November 9, 2009 Jacqueline brought the book home to me. I can’t tell you what it did to my heart. I knew she would buy the book, she knows me and knows how I operate (sometimes that can get me into trouble, but not in this case). She wanted to give me a gift she knew would bring me joy, and she couldn’t wait until Christmas. I love that about her, she listens and she acts. (Of course, I gave her a great big hug and made a big fuss over her, that’s just the way I am.) The first entry in my journal (actually the second, the first is a prayer by Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska, I’ll share that with you later) reads:

“Jacqueline – Thank you my beautiful baby – you know how to read your mommy. You are a quick responder; you don’t hesitate – that “is love” in its truest form. I do look to you for many things because I know that you possess a kind heart. My wish for you is that you stay true to yourself and not be hardened by the cruelty of the world. I love you Skoots! You are my diamond in the rough.” (Skoots – this should be the first time you are reading this – because you haven’t looked in my journal right? – just joking – my journal is an open book – have at it!)
Okay, again, back to quiet time. Ironically, this quiet time coincidentally coincided with the 40 days of Lent. So I spent 2 hours a day, for at least 20 of the 40 days there. No television, no lights, no people to distract me. Just God ‘n me, it was beautiful.

I became quite inspired by all that I was reading that I quickly began to keep up writing in the journal. I found that there was so much more that I wanted to say and to share (with who, I didn’t know, eventually I thought to anyone that would listen). There were times I found that a page or two wasn’t enough so I powered up the laptop, and was able to gab on and on as long as I liked (have you noticed, I don’t often tell stories in what I call “reader’s digest length”-but I will work on it). I wrote about my thoughts, feelings about life or the people in my life, prayers for myself and for others, poems, songs, reflections on readings from the bible, places or things that bring me inspiration. As a result of this new exciting, enlightening, eye opening, habit-forming way of being, Godinsight4me was born.

I created a kind of mission statement that reads in part:

“What the world needs now is love. The intention is to cultivate a loving community on earth, father the habit of positive thinking, encourage the growth and development of tepid souls, motivate faith-filled people, and save lost sheep. Together we can reeducate, redirect, restructure, remodel, redesign, and renew God’s plan for His people and turn this world into one great melting pot that shares in one victory, one mission, one hope, one body of love, that is worthy of God’s praise and promise of eternity.”

So let me elaborate on “one victory, one mission and one body of love” (because I can – I’m doing the writing). I have an Angel working with me, actually I have many, but let me share a story of one in particular.

Let’s start with Webster ‘s New Dictionary description of “Angel” – n. divine messenger; ministering spirit; person with the qualities of such a spirit, as gentleness, purity, etc.

Her birth name is “Angel”. Angel is my 14 year old niece, my little ray of hope and my Godchild (how ironic is that) who is wise beyond her years. Her Mommy, LaLa a single parent, has worked so hard to give her child good morals and values and anyone that knows them can tell you it’s been quite a journey for Angel to live up to her name. I am so proud of my little sister (and Angel of course). I am amazed at my sister’s strength and courage. Her love is shown through her consistent teachings. I love her dearly.

If you asked LaLa how she does it, she would probably say: actually, it’s been a lot of yelling, scolding, punishing, reprimanding, threatening and hair pulling (wait!! don’t call child services, she pulled on her own grey hair-did I really just say that-sorry- really LaLa has bald spots to prove it!- sorry La–I forgot nobody knows why you wear that cap – just joking – she has a full head of hair – okay La are we good again?). I’d say it’s all been worth it! (Love you sis, YOU’RE THE BEST!).

It was just about midnight when I called my family to announce that I had just went live! My family, they are amazing. That night I had a wonderful cell phone new journey blog launching party. In attendance in no particular order (except for God of course) were God, LaLa, Angel, my niece Desiree and her boyfriend Chris (who has quickly become part of the family, we are hoping that he will make it official sometime soon?!). Then sitting on my side of the phone were my husband Dave and my Son Dave (I know it can be confusing, but we did that Jr. thing – he’ll be okay). Everyone was supportive and offered great ideas for the growth of the blog page. They supported my dream and cause and never called it or me crazy (at least not to my face). Thank you my family – you’re the best!

Angel was one of the first to read my first posting on Godinsight4me.blogspot.com. Her first reaction and her words to me were, “Nini – you made me cry!” I was floored. I just didn’t think about this teenager, at 14 years of age would have any interest or could relate. I began to realize that it doesn’t matter our age, we all have needs, stories and life experiences to share; some are so painful that we want to keep them to ourselves. Sometimes we want to hear about others so that we know we are not alone. We should feel free to express love, pain, anger, joy, sadness, the whole spectrum of emotions. I consoled Angel, told her that it was okay to cry. It was a confirmation that you are alive and you have feelings. I asked Angel if she wouldn’t mind sharing the blog page with her friends, and she agreed without hesitation.

The next school day after I published the first blog Angel shared the “good news” as promised with a few friends, but what I found was more amazing is that she went beyond friends, shared it with some of her teachers, who did in fact share with her that they opened up the blog page and enjoyed their time at Godinsight4me.blog spot.com. In particular, one teacher, Ms. Lewis asked to speak with me. A couple of days later we talked. We had a wonderful conversation, and we shared a few moments of love. It was love. When you reach out to someone to communicate a feeling of hope, understanding, and warmth that is “love” at its best.

Through a personal journey to enrich my own heart, mind, body, and soul and a vision to reach out to others, I saw how God worked quickly and miraculously. The bible says in Luke 11:9 The Answer to Prayer. “And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Page 1113 in the New American Bible for Catholics.) I love it when that happens! I saw it, God’s miracle traveled quickly: God – me – Family – Angel – friends – teachers – more family - more friends – strangers who will become friends and family - the world! Maybe not today, but it will happen, DREAM BIG PEOPLE! I believe we don’t ask God for enough! I’m ready Lord, give it to me when you think I am ready!

This dream expanded with hearts of love and caused two strangers to talk who perhaps would never have crossed paths, and what’s more is that we talked about the goodness of God and how we need to as a world get closer to him. Talk about good news traveling fast. What’s even more beautiful to discover is that Ms. Lewis is a writer. Her “baby”, is a story that is designed for children. I pray for you Ms. Lewis (actually let’s all pray for Ms. Lewis). Lord, you have given a special gift to Ms. Lewis, we ask that you arrange for her miracle, put the right people in her path, so that her gifts will be shared with others. We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Ms. Lewis gave me another gift. She told me about a book called “The Gift of Change”, by Marianne Williamson which I highly recommend to all. Thank you Ms. Lewis. It’s confirmation of a world in need of love. The goods news is that there are others who believe in God, his love, and his divine plan for us. We are all called to be ambassadors for Christ. You might be that one person that can make a difference in someone’s life. Reach out beyond your comfort zone. Reach down deep and let the real you be revealed to all. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Start your new journey with this simple prayer:

Lord,
Touch me so that my heart will grow to be charitable;
Lead me onto a road to a faith-filled journey.
Inspire me to love all so that I will know Your Glory;
Mold me into the person that you know I can be.
I ask this in the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

When something ends we are forced to deal with its effects on our lives; whether it be a loss of a loved one, change in an occupation, graduation from school, or the end of an ordinary day. Our faith in the outcome for tomorrow will be determined by how we live, share, love, and help each other today. We are not alone on this earth, and in order to co-exist in harmony with a vast world of people we must love them.

Let us open our eyes and hearts to a glorious new way of being, strive for a holy heightened awareness, choose our words carefully, make better choices, improve our thought process, make positive statements, and take steps that move us forward for they will form the path onto which we will walk on our journey through and to the finish line.

May God bless you all!