What’s really, really important is Love!

What’s really, really important is Love!

On Friday, May 15, 2009, I was driving home on the freeway about 4:00 p.m. We were cruising at a stop and go speed of about 25 mph. I have been conscious of habits of driving because my son is a new driver and I know I have been driving home the idea of keeping a three cars length between you and the car in front. “Yes, Mom I know”, he would say sounding tired of the same old line. Then I would retort, “I know I’ve told you before honey but you don’t realize the importance of the space, if someone hits you from behind or if the ground is wet, your car can be push out of control, you can slide forward, and B-O-O-M, you car will be smashed, not to mention that you would be injured, and you know, I just don’t have time to be at the hospital” (I don’t think any of my children like it when I say things like that- I know – que sera sera, what will be, will be, the future’s not ours to see . . ., but I sometimes think I’m still in control – sorry Lord – I know it all You).

Well on this particular day I thank God my son was not with me, however, I was driving his car. So there we we’re, me and the Friday afternoon commuters, stop and go, stop and go. Then the traffic in front of me started to slow again, so I engaged my brakes and looked in the rear view mirror, a habit I’ve acquired over years of driving (good or bad it’s a habit). I have always been concerned about being hit from behind and have from time to time engaged in one way conversations with my commuter friends who have tested closeness (don’t be acting like you’ve never done that – come on now come out with it). We say things like “h-e-l-l-o, what are you thinking”, “what the heck are you doing %#@*!” (you know I’ve cleaned that up), “back off buddy you are not getting anywhere by riding my tail”. Bumper stickers have been amusing over the years, one of my favorites is “If you can read this, then you are riding WAY too close”.
Back to the story, the traffic slowed, I engaged my brakes, I looked in the rear view mirror, no one was close enough to cause me any alarm, I looked to the front and then to the rear view mirror again and then I saw it, a huge white Toyota Tundra, 2 door truck, quickly swung from behind a large diesel truck that was riding in the right lane along side of me, the Tundra was getting bigger and bigger, and within seconds its was no longer a distinctive figure of a truck it was simply a white mass of metal that was going to hit me straight into the rear of the car. I heard a honk (looking back now it may have been a warning honk) and I remember thinking, “oh no this guy is not going to stop”. I recall saying to myself in the midst of surrender, “that’s it, “I’m going to the hospital”. I realized I was suddenly expecting the hard hit and emergency vehicles with flashing red lights, complete with those guys in uniform (don’t you just love a man in a uniform). As I gave into the thought of my destiny I recall hearing the loud crunch of metal to metal, my head jerking forward and then back again with a thrust into the head rest on the driver’s seat. Immediately after the impact, I realized my car was still moving forward and I had now briefly lost control of the car. My eyes were then fixed on three cars in front of me lined up side by side like a chorus line and I wondered which car I would finally hit before it was all over. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, and hit my brakes with full force, praying all the while, dear Lord, please don’t let me hit anybody, please don’t let me hit, P-L-E-A-S-E!

Now, miraculously, at a complete stop, I momentarily thought “wow, my head doesn’t feel bad, hmmm, that cushion on the head rest was decently padded – I’ll have to search the crash test results on the Honda Civic”, and then I thought “I don’t feel anything wrong anywhere on my body” (yes, my mind really does work that way). As I gather my bearings I thought I do not want to be left sitting in the middle of the freeway in the midst of all the traffic (I don’t think that I was such a considerate person, I just didn’t want to be gawked at by all my commuter friends), so I decided to move to the right shoulder. I saw that the white truck was sitting at a stop now in the lane to my right, and all cars in front of me were gone. I maneuvered my way to the right shoulder and finally all the excitement came to a less than dramatic halt.

At this point my legs felt a bit like Jello, my mind a little foggy, and my hands lightly trembled as I reached for my purse in the back seat so that I could grab a pen to at least write down the license plate to his truck, just in case he took off. I don’t know why I was thinking that he would leave, I imagine my subconscious mind has been corrupted by all the negative news reports I’ve seen in the newspaper and on television. My first response was not of anger, but rather concern. He came to the passenger door of my vehicle and asked me if I was okay, I said that I thought I was, but that I was shaken up (I remember thinking “wow, he asked how I was”, imagine that, a caring individual). I asked him if he was okay and he said “yes”. I didn’t yell or raise my voice, I didn’t feel any animosity toward him; really how could he have wanted to do that to me on purpose.

Once we exchanged information, name, address, phone number, insurance policy number, etc. I got out of the car to assess the damage to our vehicles and take pictures. That’s when I felt the first pangs of pain in my knee. My head began to throb, and my eyes and my right ear apparently decided they didn’t want to be left out of the “pain party”.

Once back in my car I started to drive and thought I had better get myself into urgent care just in case (in case of what I wasn’t certain). As the minutes wore on my body was turning into a “real party animal” quite quickly.

I immediately called my husband. Before divulging the details of my little escapade, I asked how he was doing (poor thing, he had a cold or perhaps the flu –no, at this point we weren’t concerned about the swine flu - he was resting comfortably at home). I then casually I led into, “honey, just now I was rear ended on the 60 fwy, the damage seems minor, and the car’s drivable”. And before he could fail to ask how I was, I volunteered “I’m fine, but I’m driving to the urgent care to be sure, I hit my head and my knee, I’ll be home a little late, I’ll call you about dinner later” (you know guys, give me the punch line, and omit the details unless I ask).

Since I was on a roll, and handling all the minor details - I called my girl friend Patty. I asked her about the whereabouts of her husband. Why would I do that? There’s a reason, gee whiz, I’m getting to that. Her husband owns a body shop. I thought that I would be in and out of urgent care and then toot right on over to the body shop (you know women – we are invincible). NOT! My girlfriend, who knows me quite well, heard my voice and quickly determined that perhaps I wanted some company at this party. She put whatever she was doing on hold and insisted on meeting me at urgent care. I told her that I would be okay, but she would not take no for an answer. I’ve never had a friend do that for me and it moved me beyond words (I’ve got a lump in my throat, give me a moment . . .) I felt our friendship grow to another level that day. I love that girl (you made me love you - I didn’t wanna to do it – private joke – hope you are laughing Patty – now, now readers, you don’t have to know everything).

She made me laugh during the 2 hour ordeal and got my mind off of my little hiccup. Patty knows how to make a heavy situation light (now that I think about it she didn’t allow me to wallow in any “woe is me stuff” – I might have enjoyed that for at least a few minutes). During the admission process right through the doctor’s examination we were engaged in entertaining conversation and experienced lots of laughs, including, being asked if we were mother and daughter (I’m not sure which one of us was supposed to be which, but Patty says it must be because I looked so stressed – do you think she was making me the mom?); then we were asked if we were sisters, and finally from the looks the doctor and nurse gave us we believe we were thought to be partners (not business partners if you get my drift).

Just two days earlier I had spent a beautiful day with my good friends Patty and Linda. We spent time at a day spa and had many hours to relax and share wonderful deep conversations about life. I remember Patty saying something that I thought was profound and that people should really consider: “Each day I decide what’s important, then what’s really important, and then what’s really, really important.” On Friday Patty dropped everything and she was there for me – now that was an act of love (yes, Patty it was). The day after the hiccup, Patty called Linda to let her know that I had been involved in a car accident and assured her that I was okay. Linda called to say that she was thinking of me and before we hung up she said “I love you”. “I love you too,” I responded with a mushy heart (I think that was a first for us). Again, I was moved beyond words; another beautiful instance where someone reached out to love. I know that I am blessed with a wonderful family and equally fabulous friends.

One more thing that I remember as I was driving myself to the urgent care is that I started to feel the impact of my knee and the hit on my head. I said, “oh Lord please, I can live with knee pain but make my head okay, I need my brain, I need to think, I need to write, please”. Then the closer I got I thought, “no I’m not giving in to the thought of injury, Lord, I know you will heal me, heal me Lord, heal me, I’m going to be okay, I know I’ll be okay”. And now days later, my head has cleared and I am able to concentrate again, think clearly again, and write again (however, I can think of a couple of people I know who may believe that I couldn’t concentrate, think or write before the accident – but who are you going to believe, moi, right?-that’s what I thought). My knee has improved dramatically although I am using a knee support (my husband Dave says I wear it because I am a drama queen –I know I’m wearing because I need it! – I wonder if Dave and Patty have talked, hmmmm).

To add more to an already eventful start of the weekend, on Saturday my Godchild and niece, Raquel, was the victim of a hit and run accident. What Raquel recalls most clearly is thinking “I’m going to die. That’s it, I going to die.” When her spinning came to a halt, and when she realized that she hadn’t harmed anyone, she cried, her life was spared. When it was all over her attention was drawn to a Guardian Angel she has affixed on her sun visor (a gift from a very special Aunt). She believes somebody was looking out for her, she was not hurt (hmmm, I wonder who that was?).

What’s my point? My point is that we should turn to God in good times, celebrations, achievements as well as before, after, and during our trials, suffering, loss, and worries.
One other thing that Raquel mentioned is that while she waited for 25 minutes for her family and boyfriend to come to her rescue (L.A. traffic, what can you do) not one person stopped to see why a young woman was sitting on the side of the highway. It was the reality of her statement that hit me hard. We, as a society, need to become aware of others. We are not invisible, and we cannot simply turn away and pretend that we do not see. Therefore, today let’s be bold, and begin this new day and turn away from ourselves and take advantage of the many opportunities we have to love. What would it have taken for someone to stop, and to ask if she was okay, see if she needed a phone to call someone, or sit with her while she waited for help. We will get there, I am confident. We’ve got so many experiences of our own and of course those of others to learn from. Let us become confident in ourselves to allow compassion to overtake us, act on what we feel in our hearts, and we will experience a reward: Love is love’s reward (thanks again Mom).
I’m reminded of a quote from the bible that comes from Mark 10:52, “Go your way; your faith has saved you”.

Thank you Lord, through these little hiccups Raquel and I have received Your graces, experienced Your love and the love of others, and above all we have trust in You.
By the way, the young man came through, he paid for the damages. Wheh! God is good!