Free At Last!

Free At Last!

It had been a year of severe struggle, much more than others past. I was getting further and further into debt with no end in sight. Too boot, the vehicle I was driving was sucking blood from my already severely dried up turnip, my pocketbook. I had tried on many occasions to get rid of the beast. I shouldn’t say that, I never felt like that about it, but you know I am human, and I can stretch the truth or exaggerate for entertainment sake.
The reality is that for the past few years I wanted to get a new car (it was a mix of wanting a new car and hiked up gas prices, which weighed on me more I don’t know). The problem was that my financial status with the vehicle was a reflection of my income and expenses for my life, “a mess”.

At least twice a year I headed out in frustration to a dealership looking to car swap. And each time I walked out more irritated than the time before. I know that what I was looking for was a miracle. I wanted someone to give me something for nothing. But what I got instead was, “sure lady, you could have this new car, you’ll just need to cough up about $10,000. Can’t somebody please bail me out of the mess that I’m in?
You see in my world, I conveniently forgot how I got in this tight spot in the first place. I have never been a good money manager. Ask my husband – he’ll tell you. I had no concept of saving. I would just spend. Pull out the credit cards like they were sweet candy kisses – so tempting little morsels - there for the taking and hmmmm, they tasted good. The result, another charge and another month of paying interest that only grew! So much I thought for my miracle, those sales guys, I thought, just want their huge commission!

I remember there were days and nights that I would lose sleep over my state of affairs. I prayed, begged and pleaded with God to please help me. Sometimes I didn’t know where I’d get the money to fill up the gi-normous gas tank! The way gas prices were going up, up, up, I was spending at least $80 ever four days depending on the day’s rate, you do the math! Yes, did you guess, I’m a commuter.

I often wondered why God wouldn’t help me. Why would he want me to stay with this truck that was taking my money in lapping gulps, when all I wanted now was out of this car and this financial mess! Forget about just wanting a new car, this was serious business now. As I look back I realize that the hole I was in was bad enough, but the ditch I would have dug would have been much deeper and disastrous if the sales guy would have let me have my way.

I finally resigned myself to the fact that I would have to grin and bear it. It was mine to pay for and I would SOMEDAY. I stopped thinking about my dilemma and I focused my energies on other positive things. I searched my own soul, conscience and heart for the few things I already knew I possessed for strength and then of course, to God and my bible for ALL THE REST. For the record, the scale leaned on the latter – there is really no comparison – we need to seek God and not ourselves or each other for strength and knowledge for His words are decidedly powerful, they cut to the heart of the matter, they massage your conscious and give it a headache until you ignore it or get it (I suggest you get it or nothing will ever change).

While I waited, I negotiated with my children for the use of their cars on different days and worked around their busy schedules. Before I knew it a year went by. I’m sure the children would have a different view on things).

My sports car, I mean boat, well it’s a suburban, was really a handsome vehicle and it had seen me through many safe and beautiful journeys. I had cleaned it out a year ago anticipating a trade in that never happened – so it was ready. One weekend I spent detailing the outside, cleaned the carpets, seats, cracks, and crevices. I realized how blessed I was to have had a reliable, nice looking vehicle for so long. I thanked the Lord.

Then one beautiful Saturday morning I had taken an early walk outside to mediate as I had been doing regularly, and upon my return I just felt filled with an incredible positive spirit.
I remember thinking about my circumstances again. I believed that one day they would change, I was sure of that now. I talked with God that morning, a routine I keep throughout the day, and somehow got on the subject of my finances. However, this time, not with urgency and definitely not with an attitude that came off as an attack, I shared, “God I know you want to help me. You certainly don’t wish for me to be in debt, encumbered or worried about my circumstances. And amazingly for quite some time now, I have never felt more at peace with what could seem like dire circumstances. It’s funny how “not having” can humble you. When the time is right I know You will provide.” Human, as I am, my mind retreated for a brief moment still wanting better and I thought to myself, “Cec, God wants to do his part that is for certain. Are you doing yours?” On a previous occasion I had a conversation with the financial institution about my vehicle. And just, at that pivotal moment, I heard the voice of the banker that asked, “How hard have you tried to sell it yourself”. It was like a light bulb came on in my dark head. And I recall a feeling of peace and then exhilarating excitement came over me.
“That’s it! Today I am going to sell the suburban,” I said to my daughter, Stephanie, with complete faith. “I’m driving this SUV down to the local car wash and get it all prettied up and taking it to a place for others to see. Someone is taking this truck today,” my voice finished with finality.

Oddly I wasn’t concerned about selling it and not having a car. I surely didn’t have another just sitting at home waiting for me to drive. That was the least of my worries at that moment. However, it would have been a great concern even the day before with my old attitude still stuck to me – albeit by a thread.

I jumped up into the driver’s seat and tooted down the street to the local car wash. I happily declared to God out loud, “Yes Lord, its time isn’t it. You’ve provided a beautiful morning for this to happen.”

By 9:00 a.m. with delight in my core, I parked the SUV in a parking lot that faced a main boulevard in the heart of my city. There prominently I placed two for sale signs that were visible through the clean sparkling windows, the same signs that I had displayed in my vehicle only on my driveway, when I remembered. I walked around from side to side, admiring its pretty lines and tires that were dressed with shiny stuff. My daughter obediently came to pick me up as requested and off we returned to home.

“So, Steph, what do you think? How long will it take for someone to call me? Because you know I’m selling this truck today!” She looked at me like I was crazy, as usual. Seeing her face and those eyes that rolled back a bit (yes honey, I can see you), was confirmation for me once again that she saw God working on me as was evident through my bold thinking! I know, when you work with Him it seems to go against the natural order of the human thought process. She finally conceded to play my outrageous game and said, “Well it’s nine o’clock,” she hemmed. I waited with childlike enthusiasm for her to join me in my holy encounter. “I don’t know Mom,” she bowed out, “What do you think?” I didn’t need anyone really to participate with me or, for that fact, believe what I did, because I was immersed in my own little divine world, “I think by 3 o’clock. By 3 o’clock someone will call,” I exclaimed finally.

We puttered around the house a bit picking up when I passed my phone and heard a beep. Odd I thought, I didn’t hear the phone ring. I listened to a voice mail that said, “I’m here looking at your suburban, and want to know if you can meet me so I can take it for a drive. I’ve got a growing family and we could sure use a vehicle like yours.” The fellow left his name and number and of course, I immediately called back after I reverently praised God. I jumped up and down, screaming thank you Lord! This is you! It’s all You! In your due time! Only you can move mountains! You lined up both sides and made it happen for us just when we needed it. THANK YOU LORD. His call was received at 10:00 a.m. We met at 1:00 p.m. and it was sold! (Was Stephanie moved by the event? I saw a hint of awe, however, the jury is still out on that.)
The new owners picked up the suburban a few days later and they looked so happy and complete in it. I was thrilled for them. I wished them well and never looked back with envy or regret.

I am still car-less as I write. I feel happy and actually liberated. Not only was the car sold, but the $10,000 balance that was left over after the sale that loomed over my life is now paid off through yet another miracle by God. God was sure busy, because he was apparently working on some of those guys at the finance company too who helped me in ways that could only have been with God’s hand. God is good!

Now for the lesson (Come on, you know there’s one!) What I learned was that we can’t hurry God. We can’t make Him do things we want, when we want them. And by the way, there seems to be a difference between wants and needs. There is a time, a season for everything. He has a divine plan for each one of us.

Let’s be productive, positive and filled with high spirits while we’re waiting for our time. When God sees we are ready – HE WILL BLESS US!

(fyi – I’m saving to buy my next car cash! Hallelujah, I am freed from all that weighs me down!)



Inspired by:

Psalm 31:15-16

But my trust is in you, O Lord;
I say, “You are my God.”
In your hands is my destiny.